Sense of Non-Belonging

I have been having this sense of non-belonging for as long as I can remember. I feel like I cannot belong to any certain groups. I feel like I need to be an outsider. Even if I felt like I was a part of something, that didn’t last long. I would be back to a loner again.

I asked about this with my soul and waited for some answers.

Well. I am not meant to belong to a particular group at all. I am not meant to be attached to a certain thing. I am meant to be free from attachments = not belong to anything. In this way, I always belong to EVERYTHING. Not just one or two things, but everything. This is why I feel the sense of non-belonging.

This feeling got intense since the lockdown. It was uncomfortable. I felt very lonely. I felt like I lost good friends.

Now I can see why this is necessary for me. I can see the duality of this world that causes people to separate us and them, make groups to attach themselves to, and give false sense of comfort. Sense of belonging is an important part of duality. However, when we are in Oneness and Whole, we don’t need to have the sense of belonging. There is no separation. We are a part of everything and we all belong to and connected with everything.

More I understand this, less lonely I feel. Removing the last bits of attachments I accumulated over the years is shifting me to much higher/wider space and bringing me different perspectives and understanding. There is nothing negative about not belong to anything. I am a free soul and free floating, and that is where I am most beneficial.

Be lost and set myself free.

This year started with good intentions and many exciting plans.

Then Covid hit. Plans got cancelled. The year of fun I thought I would have banished. My life got derailed.

No. Actually. My life is still ticking along. It is not derailed as such. It just changed its course due to different circumstances. At the moment, I feel disappointed. I was looking forward to the plans I had. I know I cannot do anything about it but I cannot hide my disappointment.

I am feeling a bit lost. I am feeling lonely. I have to ask why Covid thing happened? Why did it make my plans disappear? What am I supposed to do now?

This is really silly. Feeling like this and questions like these aren’t change anything. Talking/writing loud helps me to express my feelings and deal with funny emotions better than silencing them. So please do bare with me.

If we want to find ourselves, we need to get lost first. I feel I am at this stage. Being lost. Totally lost in directions.

I feel I need to sit here for a little while to find myself again. With clear direction and excitement.

Till then. I become a friend with this lost space. Floating and be free.

Things that triggered me during the lockdown. 2

Lockdown was good overall. It gave me time to assess my life and reflect on things wasn’t working and things I want to do more of.

Having my partner at home all the time was pretty intense. We got on each other’s nerves and we argued. I think we were both feeling stress in some ways.

One thing really bothered me during our heated discussion. He commented that I was behaving like my mother.

It really hit me. Just like when my friend said ‘I like routines’.

Me and my mother do not get on well. We don’t have a good relationship. Maybe because I left home at the age of 18 and she still treats me as a young girl. She has not seen me growing into an adult. We didn’t share our adult journey together. She doesnt know my spiritual side neither.

So when my partner said I am becoming like her….. oh dear I wasn’t happy! She was like the person I do not want to be! But I somehow behave like her! Oh no! Hope it is not genetic taking over!

That really made me think. Made me think hard about how I am behaving towards my partner and others.

I know that people you meet in life are reflection of yourself. They show you the part of you. If you don’t like something about a person, you have the characteristic in you. And it speaks loud and hit you in your face.

So I wonder and ponder. How did I get to this? What can I do to change it? How can I make myself the person I want to be?

 

 

Collective Intelligence

 

 

Your current incarnation here on Earth is a mere blip in the entire space and time. Why do you need to take things so seriously, especially when you are on ‘spiritual’ journey?

 

 

You are here to experience. You are not here to analyse and be critical. Whatever you do here now, it is just experiece you accumulate. You are not meant to be attached to each and every experience neither. Experience will be added and stored into the collective intelligence, and shared among every beings. It is not for you to keep. It does not belong to just you. It belongs to everyone and everything.

 

 

So try not to take things too seriously, and just have fun with your life. Your current life is just another story in the vast universe and you are capable of changing the story anytime you wish. You can also benefit from other people’s experiences through the collective intelligence.

 

 

Your life is your creation. You can write scripts that you want to experience. Your stories, your experience are all essential contributions to the Collective Intelligence.

Things that triggered me during the lockdown. 1

I was chatting with a friend online. Somehow she commented that I like routine and she has noticed it.

When I heard this, I felt the discomfort inside of me. I don’t think I liked what I heard. My body responded accordingly.

Yes I admit. I am a creature of habits. I like to plan. I like to know what my day will be like. And yes I do have my routine. What I am not sure is that I like routine or not.

I have routine or set schedule as my days revolve around client’s bookings. As my clients have their regular bookings, my life look like a whole big routine.

So I had to ask myself. Do I like routine?

No I said.

But obviously I behave like I like routine. That’s why others noticed. My behavior must be pretty predictable.

It felt uncomfortable. It hit me and made me think. I wanted to defend myself to my friend that my life looks like a routine but it is a by-product of my work, not by my choice. I didn’t explain that to her as I thought no need to defend myself to her.

Just a small word out of a candid conversation affected me so much and made me uncomfortable about myself and how I live my life. There must be something deep underneath that I have not yet to discovered about myself. There might be something deep underneath that I am to unveil soon. It is interesting that what I think I do is different from what others see I do. Do I need to care that? Do I need to compare that? Or do I just live the life the way I think I am living and that is totally OK? Why do I still get affected by other people’s view of my life? Does it matter much to me? 

 

The discomfort I felt with the comment and the dissatisfation I had with my life must be matching in frequency. The life that looks like a bunch of routines can be the reason I felt somewhat dissatisfied about my life – preCovid. I wanted to be more sponteneous. I wanted to be more flexible with my time. That is what I am to change. Covid game me the opportunity to do so. The life during the lockdown was anywhere near what my ‘routine’ was! 

The lockdown is now over. I have returned to my work. I do not wish to go back to my routine life now I realised I do not like routines. Yes I do still need to follow my schedule, but my attitude towards everyday life has changed. I am not falling back to ‘status quo’ ‘same old same old’ everyday life. I am here to make each and everyday meaningful. 

No going back to default mode. 

New perspectives and discoveries

At midnight on 25/26th March, New Zealand went into lockdown. Our life as we known has changed dramatically. My work abruptly stopped due to the close-contact nature and wasn’t considered as essential.

It was great opportunity for me to take stock. Forced to slow down and enjoy the moment. No schedule to follow. No place to visit. It was a blessing for me. I have been so time poor and I knew I needed to do something to change that. I think I was looking after others more than I was looking after myself. I like what I do but there was an underlying frustration that something was amiss.

So this unplanned unpaid 7 weeks leave got me thinking. It triggered a lot of emotions hidden deep inside. Emotions that I thought I dealt with. Emotions I didn’t even knew existed.

It also brought up things I need to look at and think about. I had a lot of free time to ponder and ponder I did.

I will share my ponderings a bit by bit here in next few blogs.

I am back

Long time no see.

The last post I have written was back in 2015, when I decided to stop blogging under ‘Be at Peace’ and moved to ‘Creative Calibration’. Creative Calibration started to get spams and I also decided to close the site.

Now we are in 2020.

We are in the middle of Covid-19 saga. This itself is a great topic to write about, but I won’t go there today.

I had a lot of free time (as I was not able to work during NZ nationwide lockdown) and was drawn to write again. This time, it will be a mixture of my own experience/thoughts/ponderings and automatic channelled writing. I need a place to express my thoughts as well as what I get during my automatic writing sessions.

So, I am back here again.

I cannot remember what I have wrote before nor I wish to revisit.

Starting afresh. To follow my own bread crumbs.

Creative Calibration

I have not visited this blog page for ages.

The stage of my life with “Be at Peace” has shifted to the next stage. Now I have another blog site called “Creative Calibration”. 

Thank you for reading / following / liking my blog so far. Please check my new site. It will be more channeled messages from the beings I have been chatting with and more thoughts I have been pondering. It is good to have a place where I can share freely with others without hesitation.

Look forward to catching up with you on the other side!

https://creativecalibration.wordpress.com/

Collective consciousness

I met this lady who carries so much collective consciousness with her.

 

She has been feeling a little off, bit depressed, not feeling herself. I had a privilege to offer her healing today.

 

I picked up so much sadness. Not her own but others. She has been carrying so much of other’s feeling and took them as hers. She even felt responsible for other’s feeling. Like she caused them to feel negative way.

 

It was very interesting to see how collective consciousness affect individual. We sometimes do not know why we feel certain way. We may be picking up other’s emotion instead of ours.

 

Sensitive people need to be more careful protecting our individual space. We do not need to carry other’s burden.

 

When we decide that no longer serves us, it is the time to let go,  spread our wings and fly high!!

Change of direction

I have been working as a massage therapist for a while. How the body moves, works and handle its pains/tensions…….has fascinated me.

 

I went to a course today to learn a new technique/modality for body therapy work.

I did not enjoy as much as used to. Or shall I put it this way…..it did not resonate with me as much as other modality.

 

I cannot really explain why I felt the way I felt. I just did not ‘click’ with the course. I learnt great deal from the course and this new knowledge can help me with my work. The course was so much focused on anatomy and muscle system. People at the course was using all the terminology from textbooks and I found it boring as. Why do you need to use such difficult words? Can you just use lay-man’s vocabulary? I felt it was like “I know this big words!!” egoistic world.

 

Don’t get me wrong. The course, attendees, the instructor were so knowledgeable and lots to contribute. I just found a bit different from how I want to approach things.

 

I am not sure where this blog is heading to……..

I like to say, the direction and focus on my work is shifting. That is for sure.