I used to be the person who obey rules and authority. In this way, I am a good girl and no trouble.  

Growing up in Japan, I (kind of) had to follow rules there to be able to function in a society. There were so many rules! Some necessary, some so stupid. I am sure things are different now. But when I was there over 20 years ago, individualism did not exist. If you were slightly different from others, you were forced to fit into a society. Choking to death. You would be squashed with the weight of social responsibility. The environment made me sick. I wanted to be myself but I could not. I had to be someone else to fit in. 


Now living in New Zealand as an adult, I have more breathing space. I have learnt a lot to be a good responsible citizen yet I am my own self. I can express myself as an individual and the same time, I do not mind following orders. However! I still carry rebellious attitude. I do not want to be a sheep that follows everyone else. Mass consciousness gone bad. People follow direction if someone says “go this way”.


Well, I can follow rules and I can function well with orders. Yet, somewhere within me, I have the urge that I like to follow my own order. I am sure everyone wants to be your own boss! 


I am not sure if you call this “selfish”. Or “be comfortable with your own skin”. You can take it either way depending on how you express yourself. If you are following others just because you have no guts to say “No”, then you are not honouring yourself. Sometime, we need to stand up strong and be ourselves. True self. True essence we carry. No bending over for others to please them. 


I do not have to change myself to become a person I am ‘suppose to’ be. I follow my gut instinct. I follow my heart. I have a power to stand tall and proud 🙂