When it comes to a new group situation, I am like a wall flower. I am a shy person and I cannot get involved in a group thing. I just sit back and let others take control of the group. I hide.


I attended a study course today. I know most of attendees from the previous courses I did. Even though I know most of them, I still find hard to talk to others and have a casual conversation. I do not know why but I do not feel comfortable nor confident. 


I used to dread this kind of situation. It made me cringe and made me want to withdraw. I like attending different courses and learn new skills but the thought of ‘having to mingle’ with people scared me. 


Things are changing slowly. 

I did find that today wasn’t that bad. I did not feel awkward being a wall flower. I used to feel so isolated as I could not join in a conversation or group discussion easily. Today, I decided to focus on just being me. I accept this is me and I do not try to do anything which causes discomfort to being me. I am happy being a wall flower. I am happy being my own company. I still get to learn new things and enjoy my study. 


Funny enough. 

After I decided just be ‘me’ today, other attendees started talking to me and have a conversation. I guess I withdraw invisible curtains I must had toward other people (like a sign says ‘do not approach’). 


Just by changing the thought, my world is opening up to invite more people in.